Happiness, I've been told, is something you create on your own. I know that is a factual statement. What about the people, like me, who have a hard time creating anything... at all? Do we (rolling my eyes) keep trying harder? Yes, I suppose, but it is no fun to always have to do that. Can't I just quit?!
Okay, bluh! That was my first pathetic blog rant. I really felt like a horrible person today; completely unhappy. I was comparing my life to other people's Facebook pages, hating myself for not successfully making plarn, and all my sprouts died. (They were knocked over by the wind) Is all of that defined as, white people problems? Now I feel really bad, seen a picture of a Russian orphanage, and other sad things of our world. Then there is me, not accomplishing insignificant tasks, pouting about, in my self loathing pity party. It's sickening!
Then I ask myself, Why try gardening, arts and crafts, and various other tasks that take effort. The answer, because of the happiness that it comes with those accomplishments, even if it's just a little. Why can't I give myself an A for effort? If I mess up slightly, I give up, and let anger control the situation. At this point, in my "home making" career, Pinterest is my kryptonite. I try and fail at every pin, and it's just pathetic. The only thing I'm good at, anymore, is cleaning; I have lots of practice.
So, as a mother, wife, and now blogger ...I ask: How do I bring light, when all I'm radiating is darkness? It's inconceivable. Suppose, I have to figure out what my darkness is, to get rid of it? Figuring, if black is all the colors and white is the absent of color...maybe I am absorbing too much? I just need to get rid of "the ugly colors," (white people problem!) then fill my self with absence? That leads to the question: is it better to be a shade of grey (life experiences and such) than to be a crisp perfect white? I think the answer is clear. No pun intended. In conclusion, there is no conclusion... only that you just read: ranting, whining, a shit ton of over emotional questions, and lots of improper grammar. It's my first blog!
Oi! This was the most dumbest thing I ever wrote, that will probably not ever be read. Goodnight.
